London in New York - A Male-Chauvinist Pig

By Reza Ganjavi

Played guitar (classical and non-) on the way to the airport in a big Lincoln Towncar. The driver clapped several times and complemented the music. "I got to pay you soon" he said.

"Are you married? … With your music and green eyes you can have many girls… I tell you something about New York City women - not only they’re beautiful but they’re also smart. You gotta be very smart to make it in the City… I’ve heard that Caaifornia girls aren’t so…"

After La Bamba he said: "I gotta take you to Central Park - you do that and I guarantee you’ll have 5 or 6 blond beautiful ones" [I guess he hasn’t seen the jet black hair of some Persian women].

"London" is from El Salvador. He’s getting married soon. ‘Why?’ I asked. "She’s the perfect woman for me - a full package: she irons my shirts, cooks, washes my clothes and says nothing! I went out with another girl for 6 years - she was blond and beautiful - from Cuba - but she wouldn’t do anything. I’d come home from work on Saturday and she’d still be in bed - as though nothing needed to be done around the house… I went and talked to my mama - she said I was right - then I thought my mom would always say I’m right - so I thought I’d go ask a professional. So we went to a psychologist."

"The psychologist said: “You’re a male chauvinist pig. You want a made not a wife.” I said I want someone to help me out. I told him the problem. That I like to have home-cooked food - and I’m willing to share the work - she cooks, I’ll wash the dishes - but she always wants to order out and says it’s no different - I like food that’s cooked from scratch… I tried to do everything myself but it didn’t work out. The psychologist said: if you like home-cooked meal you cook them yourself, but I don’t know how to cook."

The new girl is from Columbia. “She doesn’t smoke, she doesn’t drink. She doesn’t even have any friends. I tell her call your friends she says I don’t have any friends"

He spoke about their cultural family values… "If you have kids you better stick with your wife - that’s the way I was brought up", he said.

"How much do you charge for a night?" ‘I’ll give you a good price [music for the wedding]’.

His father’s friend took x-rays from John Lennon after John was killed and he took John's hat. Now he wants to sell it but he’s afraid that he’ll lose his pension over theft charges.