By Reza Ganjavi
Ok as a man who loves women – not just respect as a fellow human of a different gender – but one who gets energized, inspired, etc., etc., etc. when it comes to a woman of the right combination of energy, intelligence, looks, personality, etc. – and as someone who never married – I have pursued a few women in my lifetime.
Back in teenage years the worst move was to go to an all-boy school (junior high school and first two years of high school) because women turn into idols which completely occupy the minds of those boys. And then I ended up as a 15-year-old in a different country, continent, culture, language, etc. – but at an American public high school -- and yes, there were some wonderful women there with some of whom I’m still gratefully friends.
My teenage love stories, or for the most part, love catastrophes, are a different story but one thing I learned the painful way, was there is a lot of nonsense head games in these relationships, and the courting and pursuit and all the nonsense your peers and society tell you – how to play hard to get – how to play unnatural boring dishonest games of pretending you don’t like someone when you really, really do!
So all that was just one long painful nonsense game for a boy whose brain was wrongly influenced by those years of all-boy school experience and distorted by rejection and all those painful early teenage catastrophes of feeling something pure and powerful vs. being against someone so complicated. The first day I met her mom she said this girl is full of “broken glass” – a Persian expression meaning unauthentic, complications, etc. And she sure as well was.
So all of that, in my late teens, as a 19-year-old for example, more experience of dealing with a woman I liked who wanted to marry me but she was as confused as hell and marriage for me was completely out of the question – mind you, we didn’t even kiss or have any physical contact. That’s how clueless I was. I had other experiences where I proved to be completely “Bi-Orzeh” meaning incompetent in closing the deal – why? I was too shy – I was never that sexual – being a yogi and so on my energies seemed to always be in higher chakras I guess…
When I moved to Europe things changed – I met a French woman who taught me a lot of things I had no clue about: sex education 101. Europe was a different ball game because you get to meet people randomly unlike in California where you meet most people from behind an iron box (car) – and the women I met in a bar for example, I literally got asked as the first question: so what kind of car do you drive? I could never relate to that superficial Southern California attitude in women I met – and the masculinity – of how some of the girls talk – like guys – aggressively.
But as I grew psychologically and found more and more inner freedom, those mind games became increasingly uninteresting and insignificant. I then met a girl who was 21 – from a small village -- totally uncorrupted by things of the mind – very intelligent – alive – full of life, vigor and beauty. We worked through a long intense process of inquiry which allowed her to find her freedom from some serious thing that was bogging her down. And off to the races we went.
Two children – free from ego – from selfishness – from mental stuff despite living in a very thought-dominated culture – sailing with the winds of love – smooth and effortless. It was a dream which is rare, at least among adults, and hardly ever happens in this day and age of psychological complexities and thought entering every corner of life and dominating EVERYTHING!
Back to the subject of this essay, having been free and totally disinterested in mind games – and having learned through a few or more experiences – “all seems so bloody easier” to quote John Lennon from song Borrowed Time.
There is some truth to the saying that women are like shadows – if you chase them they run away – if you move away they chase you. But since my late teens I refused to play that game or any game when it comes to this subject.
There are many people, and I’ve known several beautiful women in their 20s who play a lot of that game. Partly it has to do with their confusion – a big mixture of opposing feelings and innate need for freedom vs. pleasure and traditional calls and a whole array of psychological and emotional stuff. As people mature and get older they either turn into intolerable psychological monsters or on rare occasion find clarity.
The bottom line is this entire game is revealed to me and I have no interest in playing it. If I feel love and interest for someone I will not hold it back for the fear of them retreating. And if I have interest in someone who’s pursuing me I make it clear to save her time.
A big mistake some women make is to think guys get a hint and ignoring them will make them go away. Many guys are romantic fools and are terrible at getting hints. I’ve said this as a tip to my sister and other women friends: if you’re not interested in someone be direct.
But some women like it: it gives them power to have an inventory of bumble bees.
And I would never suffer over a woman, especially if she’s confused or is playing games or wants a bumble bee. I see right through all that.
And I will not corrupt love with the things of the mind by playing mind game.