A Letters on Relationship

By Reza Ganjavi

"No, I am not married (and never have been, just came close). I haven't yet met my soul mate."

That's a heavy one: soul mate - have you gone deep into it? Topic to discuss in person.

"I see myself as a cynical romantic--I believe in love, but as it seems that it passes me by, I wonder if I will ever experience it myself."

The fact and ideal are different. I have seen in a lot of friends that they have made an ideal of what love is. Love is a fact - but it cannot be approached positively. It can be seen simple - in a smile of a child, a little bird, or a pliable flower - in the waterfalls of Ithaca and the beauty of nature - in the mutual caring of 2 good friends - in powerful musical composition, etc. etc. - It cannot be invited. What we can do is to leave the window open and the breeze may come - that is, to remove what is NOT love: jealousy, possessiveness, search for security, self-perpetuation, etc.

"I don't date a lot--I am independent and busy with other areas of life and just can't be bothered with dating for the sake of dating."

To me, what is important is friendship - the rest is icing on the cake.

"I guess I'm wanting cake with icing. I appreciate a plain cake but I crave icing."

Craving - that's a good one. Can we live without craving? Like any other psycho-somatic phenomenon, it cannot be gotten rid of, forced out, conquered. Also one cannot reach a non-craving state - since becoming IS craving. The important thing is to understand what craving is - what one is - because when I crave, I AM craving - the two are not separate. To see what is brings natural change, and freedom from what is. Seeing is an art which is only possible when the seer does not separate itself from the seen by making judgments, etc...

"Besides, it isn't often that someone strikes my fancy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is so good and precious and fleeting that I feel I must put my energies into all of the things I want to do and accomplish, for myself and others, regardless of my singleness."

Beautifully put. Marriage has been so corrupted… and with that, our conditioning of being single vs. married/with a partner. "Alone" is "all-one". Alone is not lonely. Loneliness is an illness which tries to find cure in various escapes.

"Very well put...and insightful."

.......

"Time does fly, so one has to make it count, don't you think?"

Absolutely. And time needs to be understood. Time by the watch - vs. Psychological time as becoming which is an illusion. Time is thought... movement of past and future in the mind are based of knowledge & experience which are limited... are you familiar with this discussion?

"No--I'm not familiar with this. I don't quite understand 'psychological time as becoming'...please elaborate."

To become non-craving tomorrow - to change in time - it's an illusion because what I am now, is what I'll be tomorrow unless I change NOW....... can go into it more if you want. Pick up a book by J. Krishnamurti - great stuff, but don’t believe what he says; exmine the pointers and challenges he poses and find out truth for yourself.