E-mail on growth & love & psychological change, etc.
By Reza Ganjavi
A short email exchange regarding growth & love & psychological change, etc.
Happy Adventures - I forgot - I think you were an adventurous girl...... Don't know - it's been so long - and I am not a man of memories........ real growth is in ability to love - in affection (this is just being made up now - I haven't pre-thought it). The word growth seems tricky - because it might simply "becoming", "improving". I have a bit of trouble with that because becoming is something physical - you develop muscles etc., but psychologically, becoming is false - meaning - whatever state is in the present is the fact and any attempt to become something else is non-fact and it will not work - now we're talking about change. Let's use an example. If I am jealous of someone - the fact is that jealousy - the non-fact is to try not to be jealous - and that will not work. The key to change is not trying to become - but to fully understand what one is - what I am. In understanding what I am - how I talk, how I eat, how I do this and that, and feel and think this and that - there is natural change - that understanding itself is action. [I am taking a chance and carrying on with this with little knowledge of your interests, etc.]
So far I am saying that the key to change, is not trying - becoming – but seeing what-is. Trying and becoming implies effort. Effort implies conflict - conflict between what is and what should be. In that friction there is wastage of energy (do you remember your physics class? (I'm glad it's over)). That energy is exactly what is needed for change. In observing, in seeing what-is there's no effort - just looking – like just-walking and just-eating - it's natural. And seeing is an art. If past prejudices, shadows, residues of experience come in the picture they clutter the view of the present - of what-is. And if they do, then they need to be seen too and they take their right place - that's the "art" part because real meaning of "art" is "to put things in their right place", "order". Lastly (and all this can be explored further), the key to clear observation is to not have an observer as a separate entity - do you understand that? It means a part of the mind not separating itself as the observer - that part would be the past.........and when the past touches the present it destroys it - because the past is limited, conditioned - but the present is new, fresh. Love is in the now, it is dynamic, vital, alive, moving, vibrating. Someone might ask: what about the love that was in the past? Well, that love was felt in some "present" moment in the past. And I believe - I feel – that all that love of the past is not lost - it affected what I am now – my grandmother's love is part of me, etc.........
It's getting too long - we can carry on if you were interested and if I had anything to say. Oh ya, I started by talking about growth. So, if we brush aside "progress" in the ability to love - then what is it? Now the nice side of the word "growth" is showing. So far we said "growth" is not becoming, not trying to grow. But what does happen is when a person sees their prejudice, their conditionings - in daily life - in mirror of relationship - and we said that seeing itself brings change - brings freedom - then, in a way their mind is cleansed. And that cleansing increases the so-called ability to love. Again "increase" is a tricky word as it implies measurement and comparison which are not accurate - how can you have less or more love? But I am not willing to drop the point - I do see in fact a correlation in "cleanliness" and loving. I do believe - it seems a fact - that the body/brain's state is a huge factor - that's why it's important to have a "clean" body free from junk, smoke, alcohol, meat, etc........ but this may sound too far-out to you........ and I remember a poetic line saying when your mind is in a state of love, everything it touches is in that state........
Sorry for babbling..... there's caring in it.......... Anyway, I sense, from our extremely little contact that something good is happening with you --- travelling is awesome. Take good care.
Wow, that was a lot to wrap my mind around. I think I got the gist of your letter, but not really. For example (using yours) if someone is jealous and they want to overcome that how they do, especially if the past is what has brought them to that state of mind. That's just one of the thoughts that arose as I was reading your thoughts.
>For example (using yours) if someone is jealous and they want to overcome that how do they.......
The key is awareness - to first be aware of the jealousy - to see it in action - in daily life - as it is happening or if not possible, after it's happened..... To learn about it - to see how it is related to possessiveness - wanting to own the other person and all the implications of that which I won't go into just now..... And in awareness, in learning, there is NATURAL CHANGE.
When someone asks: "how to do it" - the "how" implies a method - 1 - 2 – 3 and you'll get there - and method implies repetition and a mechanical approach - I am not picking on the question - just sharing a point - because
The world is full of "hows" and authorities who try to tell you how to do things. In practical things there is a place for "how" - you must do this and this and this to build a car - but psychologically it's different.
In understanding what-is there is change. But in this case, it's important not to separate myself from the jealousy because when I am jealous, I AM jealousy - this is what I was saying about the observer being the observed.
So if I watch jealousy fully, without separating myself from it without saying it's right or wrong and without trying to change it, the understanding of its roots, its character - how it may be related to my conditioning to compare - brings a change..... Generally speaking the key to change is understanding of the conditioning.
Talking about comparison - it is one of our strong conditionings. To compare A and B one must first measure. Measurement is never accurate (remember from physics?) - and psychologically comparison leads to many problems - but our culture, education, parents, love it: "You are smarter than that kid", "Wear a shirt that's nicer than your cousin's", "Why are your grades not like her?" - and fear of public opinion is another one......
>especially if the past is what has brought them to that state of mind.
This takes more explanations - I can only guess what you mean..... and while I enjoy talking to you, I feel it's better to pass the ball back to you without going too far......
In psychological things that have a physical root - e.g. a sexual relationship, it can be quite complicated - and it helps to understand the lower-level biological conditionings.........we can talk about it sometime......
Still in Southern France - nice weather - going back tomorrow. Very good music festival......... had 2 radio interviews and a TV interview.......
>Thanks for the reply, it's all very interesting and new. Unfortunately I am not going to further it at this moment, I am very busy preparing for my trip.
Perfectly understood - I am very excited for you - I mean..... for your trip ;-)
>I leave in two days and have lots on my mind.
Try to travel light - I knew a girl who traveled for months with 2 T-Shirts, 1 pair of pants....……………..
Hi, X - I wrote this a week ago - will respond to your other message later.
If I remember correctly, you asked about the relationship of a psychological phenomenon, e.g. jealousy, and the past - and how it can change, etc........ anyway, gotta go now - till later - Reza.
Hello again – I am inclined to take this a little further if you don’t mind. I love babies – I get such an amazing sense of almost bliss when I play with them – their eye contact is pure and deep and their smile, sincere. Perhaps I have not been very ‘meditative’ because I’ve been busy with the CD, etc., right now I am sitting in the plane waiting for wings to get de-iced. But – this question I discussed with you earlier today rang in my head again in the train. About ability to love, etc. – kids, especially newborns seem to have this amazing ability to love. So, as adult, perhaps it’s not so much a process of development of the ability, rather, a process or de-conditioning. Perhaps love cannot be approached positively, rather, love is there when what is not love is eliminated. Now we’re back to "cleansing" and de-conditioning through awareness of what-is…….
A singer/composer lady next to me who’s going to the same music show in the South of France said: "Kids, they just are – they’re here, they exist. They don’t think as much as adults do…." We have to be very careful with "thought". Where psychological thought is, love is not……….