By Reza Ganjavi
Dumping a toxic person from your life...
Note to friend after she finally told him to not contact her any more.
~~~
Good, congrats.
You dumped a destructive person from your life.
Now your challenge is not to think about him
but it's not about controlling the mind
but emptying
write everything that comes up
slow it down
look at it
empty yourself till you've seen everything.
Then there's nothing else that can come up because you've already seen it
you've let every thought flourish -- and exhaust itself
a trap is for thought to give the subject continuity, with the "self" in the middle, including self-pity, etc.
Crying won't help bring any fundamental change -- but looking will.
Don't give the hurts continuity.
Empty yourself then let the mind be very quiet.
This may require a holistic approach
where thought learns its own limitation -- and where it belongs and not -- and doesn't enter where it's not its place.
~~~
Actually the problem is not so much getting someone out of one's head, but to understand why the person is in one's head to begin with. When "what-is" is understood, seen, change comes naturally. Insight is action.
It's like a song -- it can go on and on in one's head as long as there's inattention -- but when fully attended to, it disappears...
The case of being occupied with a person is more complex but can be equally clearly seen.
A guru I know in California used to refer to "brooding on someone" and explained brooding as like chicken who sits on the egg. That's no good -- I try to be very practical in my thoughts -- and that's what thought is made for -- practical matters. So if someone occupies space in my thoughts, it needs to be for a reason -- I need to process the thought and finish it -- so I can move on free. Now this does NOT mean people you love are not part of you -- but that's different -- they're part of you. Also, as part of respecting others, I do not make images of them -- and expect the same. Having someone in thoughts (unless it's for a specific purpose like prayer or needing to call them or whatever) and making an image of them and imagining things and giving continuity to experience and images, is an intrusion into their space, and a negation of my own freedom).