By Reza Ganjavi

“It all depends. A stupid insult can be overlooked. A serious insult in public which can be defamatory cannot be ignored. It all depends.

Around the topic of forgiveness I wrote this just now on another board:

You raise some good points. Looking at my own life... today I talked to a person who was a total jerk last time we met. I was totally in the present. And he really appreciated that I forgot or whatever you call it - I died to that past experience and him being a jerk - which he probably realized himself that night because he was probably on alcohol, etc., who knows...?

So we had a good contact. The past died. Gone. Finito.

One subtle point about forgiveness is this:

Carrying a hurt costs energy and resource... so sometimes for me it's a matter of just dumping an idiot out of my mind because s/he is not worth spending energy on it. Like some jackass who might approach you on the street and pretend he's hot shit and wants to provoke you. It happened. I reminded him he's breaking the law. And I don't waste time on idiots like that.

There is another dimension to this:

When someone hurts your ego - your self-image - or whatever ......... the key is, thought sustaining the hurt, churning it in the mind , giving it continuity, etc., and making more images - and somehow continues being involved in that enchilada. That's not good. It needs to see it and that seeing can end it -- but many people especially "grownups" are too complicated and the self is so strong that it can't see its own ending, can't see beyond the self. The self, the psychological sense of self, is like a bubble - it's fictitious - it's made from thinking. Long story. But if a person is totally caught in the self - and doesn't know at least some selfless moments when one is nothing - brain totally quiet..... then all this makes no sense to that mind.

If it's about self-image being hurt, etc., forgiveness is secondary -- it's more important to catch it up front and not even accumulate the hurt to begin with.

There is another dimension to this:

A person can do us such great harm that we fire them from our life and don't want to have anything to do with them... I will never forgive the person who destroyed the 7 years of my diaries. But it's not an active hurt that i carry. I'm done with the topic. It was a process of leaning of consciousness of its content - emptying the mind - seeing the hurt come up, in dream, etc. -- and see it all. And you get done with it. It's not active in the mind. It consumes no energy.

There is another dimension to this:

If someone breaks our rights and we can do something about it, it feels good to stand up for our rights. And we should, if it's worth it. A drunk on the bus that cusses is not worth taking to police. I forgave a racist cyber stalker that I dragged to the court only after he paid for his guilt.


The worst situation is when someone violates our rights in a serious manner that cannot be overlooked, we can't bring them to justice, and instead of being done with it, we give continuity in it in our minds. That grinds us and does us more harm than the original harm. So it's good to die things once we do what is possible about it.


Let's take a concrete example. You wake up and find out in your local newspaper there's a story about you which is 100% false, nevertheless when people of your community read it they will shun you as some kind of whatever... and so on. This is not about fear of public opinion. If they associate you with terrorism for example, or being a racist, or whatever god awful thing, you will take action.

Let's take another example of caring for someone greatly and seeing that person get hurt with injustice and the person is not able to defend themselves.

There are many examples which can lead to frustration, being upset -- like this fly which is buzzing around me right now...

You ask what happens inside. Inside is outside. One and same movement.

Bitterness implies continuity -- it's a special emotion. Anger can come and go but the word bitterness usually means something that continues.

Yes many emotions can give the sense of self continuity but not for a serious person who sees all this, sees his or her inner world just as outer world, and the whole topic of self-perpetuation trickery. Then the person may be frustrated, or whatever, and it's not so, because it gives the self continuity.