By Reza Ganjavi
Womanhood is a mystery. A paradox, an enigma. Yes, manhood too but womanhood is far more complex -- men's universe doesn't undergo fundamental cleaning once a month. A woman gives birth to another human! The circuitry in her brain/genes/body is far more complex than the man who just has to have some fun (LOL).
Female animal has complex mechanisms that allow her to select the "right man" for her babies, one with the best looks talents intelligence and economics. Human traditions which are shaped on one and only one goal: reproduction, and sustaining the species -- has added to those programs, via belief and value systems which are injected into her consciousness, to be and behave a certain way. The undercurrent is all about reproduction and economics. Including how to influence the male animal, against his natural tendencies to want to spread his genes through as many women as possible.
The male animal is a different story altogether. He's conditioned deep inside by wanting to spread his genes -- and this motive is sugarcoated by the pleasure involved in intercourse -- and pursuit of that pleasure. Since not every female animal he has sex with will get pregnant (has to be the right time of month etc.), and his goal is to have as many offspring as possible (sounds egotistic and it is), his mechanisms, programs, habits, make him get tired of the same "partner" and wants him to pursue others. This can easily be seen in human societies, in the backdrop of the male chauvinist history of the world.
There are psychological elements to this as well, in animals and primitive parts of the male brain as well: the strong drive to explore & conquer. The drive to explore is very powerful. We see it manifested in the immense industry built around sex, and commercial importance that's given to it.
And interestingly enough, one of the subroutines in this program is losing interest in that female animal, from a sexual standpoint.
So is the story of one night stands where you don't remember the other person's name the next day. Not my cup of tea but it happens and depicts that indiscreet behavior of the male animal.
Female animal is far more complex. Unlike the male animal who just seeks pleasure, she has to be discreet about who she makes herself available to, and worry about CONSEQUENCE. She has to "carry the weight" and then be emotionally tied to the offspring for some time to come.
When Stephen Hawking calls women the biggest mystery in the universe, it's hardly a mystery that that is the case.
ADVENTUROUS FEMALES
Yet, Darwinian evolutionary psychology shows us that female animals who are close to human species are indeed adventurous. They are not kept in a hole and protected against other males looking at them because the mister is insecure and jealous and wants to own her like a car or cow. That insecurity is probably related to him instinctively knowing her nature! (But that's another chapter).
And we see this in human societies. Even in places where going outside marriage is severely punished, men -and- women do it. In some modern cultures it's accepted. And in recent years, it's come out of the underground taboo state. I am not promoting anything. Just stating facts. I also have respect for humans who dedicate themselves to raising kids and I respect the family structure. But that entire field would function so much better with more flexibility. I have friends whose lives/marriages were destroyed because of the rigidity of traditional dictates.
ARTISTIC CREATIVE WAY OF RELATING
HOWEVER......... As humans, we are more than animals. Many people act according to those dictates... look at the number of relationships that are poisoned by jealousy. Look at the divorce rate. The rate of domestic violence, and dysfunction called possessiveness: thinking you own another person.
Fact is WE ARE MORE THAN ANIMALS and we can relate based on creative, artistic ways, and not just animalistic dictates of lower brain and traditions which define and shape our values. This is a BIG DEAL. It gives a different meaning to the whole subject of "love & relationship".
I am totally for discreetness. I am very picky about who I mix with, and often don't. I prefer quality than quantity. Been like this all my life. I look at a woman's totality. Can get quickly turned off by so many things -- sense of pride, egotistic complications, self-centeredness, lack of childish joy which so many people lose as they get older, the obvious parts of lifestyle: smoking, alcohol, drugs, forget it: show stopper; and so many other things that make the totality of a woman -- her smell (which is related to what she eats), depth & width of her heart, her resonance, her eyes which are windows to her "soul", but last but certainly not least, her mind. Almost nothing turns me on more about a person than a big mind -- wide horizons -- inner freedom -- ability to think clearly -- depth of comprehension -- where you can say A and she knows it's an Apple -- or better yet, you think Apple and she says Apple. I've met people like this before, they come by rarely, but do exist. Body? That's a part of our being too but it's related to the rest. We're psychosomatic beings.
The point is, the number of women I'd want to get involved with is few, due to this "natural selection" process, so certainly I am not one to be jumping from bed to bed. But I am also strongly against bankrupt ideas like love being exclusive, or sex being all important and the ultimate pleasure, or it being summarized in intercourse, or means of gratifying the ego, mean of pleasing "me".
Just as in other areas of life, this subject can be highly artistic, creative, and dare I say, spiritual or sacred, when it is approached holistically, selflessly, with all one's senses, and with commune, contact in other fields including intellectually, and deeper layers of synergy, synchronicity, mutual perception, when also minds make love in the bed of understanding, and heart is not burdened by the things of the mind.
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Reza Ganjavi: So what happens when a person has a big mind and sees through the animalistic habits of the brain/body? The mind can get ahead of the body. Like in Alexander Technique where neuro-muscular habits prevail and need "direction" for freedom from habitual movement. But body and its surroundings which are dictated and surrounded by tradition are like a slow-moving train (or an immovable one). Makes sense that the mind will prevail and help the body realize that, "I am not just an animal, programmed as a reproduction machine. I can be in the hands of a free mind, and walk in freedom, and taste its sweetness".
Many people are afraid to even think of the possibility of walking outside the traditional box.
Eelke Neff: hi yes good post about female but you forgot to mention that for "biological" perspective the female has to attract as many possible partners as possible so that she can choose the most suitable one. Hence no incentive at the beginning to reject a person if she has doubts about him. But doesn't the same apply for the men vice versa? Men seeking to pursue as many as possible partners as possible even if the candidate is not perfectly suitable. I think that is what biology teaches regarding some animal species. And yes I guess humans can take their lessons from it.
Reza Ganjavi: Eelke, thanks for the insightful note. I find this to be an extremely fascinating subject. For some people, e.g., who are married perhaps, this might be a dead topic -- or maybe not...
Good to remind ourselves we are talking about the lower brain, influenced by animalistic conditioning. As humans, we can be more than animals, and transform this subject from animalistic to artistic. It seems possible, however rare, since those "low-level" (computer science term) conditionings are very strong -- and -- traditions support and fuel them.
This is a vital and fascinating topic that affects many lives, and state of being -- men who feel victimized as bumblebees, women who feel betrayed, etc., etc., etc., on both sides -- and we're not even talking about homosexuals which I know nothing about -- has Evolutionary Psychology even studied that?
You raise a fascinating point, but I see the difference. The female animal wants to have the "bumblebees" around, and attract men, in order to qualify them and mate with the one that is most qualified because her brain/body is programmed according to reproduction, practicality.
We can be more than animals. We use birth control methods so suddenly reproduction is not always the objective. That should change the picture for "her". In human societies, we have a thing called ego, psychological sense of self, which does more harm than good, but that is a whole subject of itself. Here's an instance of the complexity I was alluding to in the original post: a female animal being programmed to attract as many guys as possible and qualify and mate and have baby. That shapes the behavior of a human female -- and then the "psychology" comes into the play -- depending on the person, the culture, etc. (e.g., a female who grew up in London may have a different and more complex view than one from a small village in Poland).
So the two mix -- the biological program -- and the ego's tendency to like attention. The more bumblebees the more important she might feel (depends on the person). Or she may well be adventurous -- open -- big minded -- and Ev Psych has taught us that many females are indeed adventurous. They like to travel -- sniff different cultures -- learn from other people and their ways, and broaden their experience base. Having multiple men in the picture, is hardly surprising. Of course tradition hates it, but that's tradition's problem. Her big mind is able to explore, and find out that tradition's dictate is very limited and limiting.
Where does that go? Where are these men in terms of evolution/growth themselves? Are they going to want to own her? That's against the nature of that young woman who cherishes her freedom. How's their lifestyle? Let's say she mixes with one -- infatuated at his star status -- things that turn women on (Evolutionary Psychology teaches us what females like in males) -- his personality -- whatever. What about another man in that picture? She's young, is not into marrying and having kids and cows.
Some females decide to go "exclusive" -- tradition prescribes that -- for reproduction reason and not artistic reasons, or joy or enrichment -- just for having babies so the species continues.
But she has a big brain -- she enjoys culture, experience, enrichment. And let's hope she's intelligent enough to be careful and not mix with the wrong people or go so reckless to get energetically polluted and bodily unhealthy.
Her programming and tradition says be exclusive. That shapes her immediate behavior -- but as we see around us, some women break through that and bring it to human level -- and see that it is indeed possible to be with that person -- have an enriching time -- not be on your phone the whole time with another guy at the same time (that's the only thing I call cheating, because it robs the precious moments two people can have together) -- and in another situation, be fully with another person.
This takes being fully present -- and if I engage in this kind of relationship, health (including energetic) is absolutely a must. I have to trust the person enough -- in her intelligence that she won't get our energy polluted -- and trust her enough that she's truthful and if she goes with a smoker, to at least tell me, so I now not to touch her (LOL) -- or go through cleansing, etc. -- but that's my lifestyle of being very clean in every way, including energetically. The same goes for males. But we're talking females here.
This discussion can go so many ways -- as you told me offline, I should write a book about it
I don't believe anybody is free of the animalistic conditioning by default. It requires awareness. But I look for potential. The biggest turn off is to detect, and trust me, we can, if the person is in this contact for egotistic reasons, which is the biggest turn off. However, given the tremendous complexity of the topic -- in terms of currents of influence, there's a practical element of this which is the right place for thought.
So to be naively loving while ignoring those currents is a kiss of destruction. Key is balance -- thought in its right place, minimally needed in this field for the practical aspect, and love, as the ruler!
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