Notes on love, sexuality, etc.

By Reza Ganjavi

Probably the first time I fell in love was when I was 8. We had a really beautiful 2nd grade English teacher. She had light hair and eyes which was an unusual complexion for Iranians. She wore tight jeans, makeup and perfume and was gorgeous. I loved her so strongly that I still remember the feeling. It wasn't sexual in that I didn't really know about sex then, but in a way it was sexual - as smelling a flower is even considered sexual by some thinkers. She was also beautiful inside, a very nice person. I ended up taking private lessons from her as well (in English of course!!). So, an 8 year old loving a, I don't know, 22 year old made no sense but it was a fact. It was simple and beautiful, and perhaps even painful. I fell in love again as a teenager, but it seems as though the older I get the less the frequency and chances of "falling in love" in its traditional context, though it still happens. But in another way, I feel a lot of love very widely for anything beautiful that my mind touches - a flower, a child, a tender old woman, a blind man, a lovely face, a great Mercedes truck, a sparrow, a beautiful woman, etc.. So I think love is a state of mind/body/heart. If I suffer I cannot love, etc.. John Lennon: "When it rains and shines, it's just a state of mind" ("and body", if I may add) - similarly, when the mind is in a state of anxiety, as I see it in most people, whatever it touches becomes a cause for anxiety and worry. The great philosopher Emerson said towards the end of his life (I can't remember the exact quote - if you know it please let me know) "it was proven to me time and again that my worries were unfounded".

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I know a number of people, especially older people, who are longing to have someone in their lives who loves them, and so in a way, living an unfulfilled, lonely life. Important questions: who is the entity that wants to be loved and fulfilled? Is it not the "self", the ego, the activity of thought as the "me"? Is it not the "me" which gets lonely? But loneliness is the nature of the "me", it is its structure because it is put together by thought as a separate entity from the "non-me" and its very existence, its cells and molecules are made of thinking which is based on memory and therefore limited - it is a material process of chemical reactions in the brain cells. This is difficult to describe, but easy to see in oneself. When the brain is utterly quiet, the me does not exist, and the death of "me", psychologically, is the end of its longings and isolation: how can something that does not exist feel lonely? What I am trying to describe here is not suppression or make-believe or an escape. It is as natural as breathing. Same is true with psychological hurt. Who is it that gets hurt, and can the hurt wipe out completely so that the mind is young and energetic again?

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Unusual, extraordinary, super-natural, metaphysical experiences are facts which are very difficult to explain. But they are as natural as the rains which wash the earth. But many fictitious experiences which are the products of the self and only strengthen the self are marketed and talked about these days as metaphysical phenomena and there are many charlatans around. And I am always amazed at how gullible people are - even the most educated follow some latest guru and trickery. I think it all comes from weakness of not thinking for oneself and not having a spark of joy, magic, and love - which is so common in children - in their lives, so they are thirsty for bigger experience which is vain as long as one's shallowness is not seen. Seeing is an art - to see without the seer, as I discussed before...

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The society sometimes cannot understand the behavior of very sensitive people and does what it can to make them mediocre. I know an extraordinary, very sensitive person was thought to be crazy, so doctors prescribed various drugs which ended up making her insensitive. What a shame! How many clear, happy, creative psychologists/psychiatrists have you known? These days it is so fashionable to go for psychotherapy. Saw a cartoon of a group therapy for those who did not need therapy! While I am sure there are good therapists out there who are helping people, as far as I have seen, a lot of that is a sales gimmick: get people hooked on you as a therapist so the income keeps coming - and keep them confused by constantly making them brood on the past and childhood, etc.. The past can be seen and understood, and then one has to get on with life.

Doing something creative in life is absolutely essential for happiness - gardening, painting, or just being creative in the way one moves and lives the daily life. Your comments are most welcome.