The Art of Seeing - A Dialogue on Relationship
By Reza Ganjavi
Hello again Sandra:
You said: "I could choose to stay alone but..."
To be alone is not a matter of choice - choice generally implies conflict: wanting it this way but also that way and having to sacrifice one way for another. I think if we live intelligently choice is not necessary. If we live with facts and see clearly what is happening - not what should happen or what has happened in the past - but what is happening now - then there is no need for choice: the right proper way becomes apparent. The now includes the consequences of the past, and the seed of the future so in a way the now includes all time. For me, it is important to wash off the past - to swim forward into ever new waters - but order is necessary: if the past is disorderly I must do whatever is in my power - do the best I can under the circumstances - in order to bring order to it. I cannot carry the burden, the residue of the past. If I live intelligently, my action now, will not breed conflict in the future. If I am whole now - not fragmented psychologically - not broken to pieces - not in conflict inwardly and outwardly - not in disharmony in my body - then my action will not breed further conflict. That is why if I am not feeling well, I do not want to make decisions - if I am confused, my decisions and actions will bring more confusion. So the important thing is to understand your confusion, what you are, the relationship, your motives however hidden, etc., etc. - and it is amazing how out of understanding "what-is" clarity comes. This understanding is a process of emptying which can be done in a dialogue with a good friend - or with yourself - and writing is very helpful in taking thoughts to the end and letting all concerns and issues unfold. One of the greatest questions is: "What is wrong with me?" "What is going on?" - like cleaning the room - you start with the most immediate item - thought - problem - and put it in its right place. The opening and flowering of a thought is a revelation which naturally puts it in its right place - which is art - so, seeing is an art in two ways: the art of seeing without the seer separating itself from what is seen as a separate entity, and secondly, because the very seeing puts what is seen in its right place which is a definition of "art". Any form of resistance and judgment: like & dislike is detrimental to seeing - you look at all that you are without resistance - and if you resist, you look at that too...
Thanks for the mail.
Relationship is one of the most challenging things in life. You are right - we learn in relationship. But that relationship doesn't have to be with another person - it can be with a tree, with things around you, and with ideas! Life is relationship - to be is to be related. Relationship is like a mirror in which we see what we are.
Is the man/woman relationship it easy for me? It wasn't. I think it is easier now. It helps to learn about one's weaknesses: jealousy, possessiveness, etc., and the search for security. If you have a chance look on my website I have some related articles, and if you can, get a book by J. Krishnamurti.
How are you?
Most of the time I'm cheerful but now I am a little bit sad. How difficult are relationships between man and woman!!! I could choose to stay alone but I think i will not learn a lot of things that we learn when we date someone. I am confused. I am not expecting a solution from you. I am only talking with a friend. For you, is it easy relationships?